The “Lucky” Parent: Overcoming Mom and Dad Guilt
The “Lucky” Parent: Overcoming Mom and Dad Guilt
Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys in life. From the moment a child is born, parents want to do everything they can to keep them safe, happy, and healthy. But with that deep love often comes something less joyful—parental guilt.
Have you ever thought, I should spend more time with my child or I should be doing more to help them learn? Maybe you’ve felt bad for working, losing your patience, or even just taking a little time for yourself. If so, you’re not alone. Mom guilt and dad guilt are common feelings, and while they can sometimes be helpful in guiding us to make good choices, too much guilt can be overwhelming.
Since March is often a month of luck (thanks to St. Patrick’s Day), let’s shift our perspective. Instead of feeling weighed down by guilt, let’s talk about how parents can feel lucky—lucky to have the opportunity to grow, to model healthy emotions for their children, and to embrace the imperfections of parenthood.
What Is Parental Guilt?
Parental guilt is the nagging feeling that you’re not doing enough or that you’re somehow failing your child. It can come from many different sources:
- Work-life balance: Feeling guilty for working too much or needing time away from your kids.
- Technology use: Feeling bad for letting your child have screen time so you can get things done.
- Discipline decisions: Wondering if you were too harsh or too lenient.
- Self-care struggles: Feeling guilty for prioritizing your own health, hobbies, or needs.
- Comparison culture: Seeing other parents on social media and feeling like you don’t measure up.
- Missed moments: Feeling bad for not always being present for every milestone, school event, or bedtime.
This guilt can be exhausting, and when left unchecked, it can lead to stress, burnout, and even resentment. But here’s the truth: No parent is perfect. And more importantly, your child doesn’t need you to be.
Why Do We Feel This Way?
Parental guilt often comes from unrealistic expectations—either ones we place on ourselves or ones we feel from society. We are constantly bombarded with messages about what “good parenting” looks like. Social media, family opinions, and even our own childhood experiences can make us feel like we’re falling short.
For example, if you grew up in a household where parents were always available, you might feel guilty for needing a break. On the other hand, if you didn’t have much support as a child, you may put extra pressure on yourself to be present all the time.
Another major factor is comparison. It’s easy to look at Instagram and see perfectly curated images of families who seem to have it all together. But remember, those are just snapshots—not the full reality.
One mother, Sarah, found herself feeling guilty because she couldn’t make her daughter’s soccer games due to her work schedule. But when she asked her daughter what she remembered most about their time together, her daughter said, “I love our Saturday morning pancake breakfasts. That’s my favorite time with you.” That’s a perfect example of how kids often see connection differently than adults.
The “Lucky” Perspective: Shifting Guilt Into Growth
Instead of letting guilt weigh you down, try shifting your mindset. What if, instead of seeing guilt as proof of failure, you saw it as a sign that you care deeply about your child?
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Recognize That Guilt Can Be a Teacher
Not all guilt is bad. Sometimes, it helps us reflect on our actions and make positive changes. For example, if you feel guilty about yelling at your child, that’s a sign you want to be more patient. Instead of beating yourself up, use it as motivation to practice new strategies, like taking deep breaths before responding. -
Challenge Unrealistic Expectations
Ask yourself:- Where is this guilt coming from?
- Am I expecting perfection?
- Would I judge another parent this harshly?
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Model Self-Compassion
Children learn by watching their parents. If they see you being kind to yourself, they’ll learn to do the same. Instead of saying, “I’m a terrible parent for forgetting snack day,” try, “That was frustrating, but I’m doing my best. I’ll set a reminder for next time.” -
Reframe “I Should” Statements
Guilt is often fueled by the word should—“I should be playing with my child more” or “I should never get frustrated.” Instead, try replacing should with I’d like to or I value.
For example:
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Instead of “I should never need a break,” say “I value being a present parent, and taking breaks helps me do that.”
- Instead of “I should always make home-cooked meals,” say “I’d like to cook more often, but quick meals are okay too.”
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Practical Tools for Easing Parental Guilt
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Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
Your child doesn’t need grand gestures—they need small moments of connection. A hug, a silly joke, or a bedtime story means more than a Pinterest-perfect activity. -
Set Realistic Boundaries
It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to volunteer for every school event or plan elaborate playdates. Protecting your energy helps you be a better parent. -
Take Breaks Without Guilt
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking time for yourself—whether it’s a walk, a hobby, or even just a quiet moment—makes you a more present and patient parent. -
Find a Support System Talk to other parents about your struggles.
Chances are, they feel the same way. A strong support system can remind you that you’re not alone. -
Let Go of Comparisons social media is not real life.
unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate and remind yourself that every family is different. -
Teach Your Child That Mistakes Are Normal
When kids see you handle mistakes with patience and self-kindness, they learn to do the same. If you forget something or have a rough day, talk about it openly and show them how you move forward. -
Make a “Wins” List
When guilt starts creeping in, take a moment to write down things you did right that day. Maybe you made your child laugh, helped them with homework, or simply gave them a hug. Small moments add up. -
Use Positive Affirmations
When guilt feels overwhelming, try telling yourself:- “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”
- “My love is what my child needs most.”
- “It’s okay to take care of myself too.”
A New Definition of “Lucky” Parenting
Instead of seeing luck as just something that happens to us, let’s redefine it:
- Lucky is knowing that love matters more than perfection.
- Lucky is recognizing that guilt means you care—but it doesn’t have to control you.
- Lucky is giving yourself grace, just like you’d give to a friend.
Parenting will always come with challenges, but you don’t have to carry the weight of guilt alone. Instead, take a deep breath, remind yourself that you are enough, and embrace the lucky opportunity to grow alongside your child.
Because at the end of the day, the luckiest kids aren’t the ones with perfect parents. They’re the ones who feel loved—and that’s something you’re already giving them.
Katlyn Gotschall, LCPC
Katlyn is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and the founder of Apricity Counseling LLC. With a bachelor’s degree in Human Services and a master’s in Clinical Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling, Katlyn brings nearly eight years of experience in mental health settings to her practice.
Katlyn is dedicated to helping clients navigate stress, anxiety, grief, depression, and life transitions. She also supports individuals facing trauma, postpartum challenges, self-esteem concerns, and compassion fatigue. Inspired by the meaning of "apricity"—the warmth of the sun on a winter day—her practice reflects her commitment to providing a safe, welcoming environment for healing and growth.
Currently offering telehealth services with a sliding scale and most insurances accepted, Katlyn looks forward to expanding to in-person care in the future. She also integrates Christian-based therapy when appropriate, tailoring her approach to meet the unique needs of each client.
Outside of her career, Katlyn cherishes her roles as a wife and mother. She enjoys traveling, engaging with her community, and savoring her favorite obsession—coffee. Guided by the words of John A. Shedd, "A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for," Katlyn believes therapy isn’t easy, but it's a tool provided to make challenges feel less lonely.
